Life

I've decided one again to try and blog. It's not for anyone's sake but my own. I find it a place to be no one but myself and let my thoughts really flow. I follow several blogs and love how real people are on them, its almost as if I never really knew them in the first place.

Right now I'm in the middle of a lot of angst and stress in my life. Mike is gone at officer training and will return soon, thank the Lord. I never really realized how dependant on him I truly am until he left. I had this same problem last year but at that time I was working and able to keep busy. My job this time is to stay with Sean and care for him. It amplifies my feelings for needing my husband. Not only do I need him as my husband and best friend, but I need him as the father of my son. He's the one that deals with Sean when I'm literally at my wit's end, he's the one that let's me have my selfish time away, he's the one shows me how great being a parent is and watching our son go through different stages. I definitely cannot imagine being a single parent for those reasons. I think I'd end up at the funny farm, so kudos to those that don't have the choice and remain single parents.

Soon, within the next 10 days actually, we are leaving to our new life in Rapid City. I'm excited to see what is in store for us in this new chapter of our life but at the same time and stressed and sad. I'm stressed because we have no where to live and probably only a short period of time to find a place to call home. I'm stressed because when we left our place in Superior, Sean became very attached and his life was thrown upside-down, thus throwing my life upside-down. We're going to be a good 10 hour drive from our family and have no friends. Oh well, life goes on.

Now that I'm somewhat up to date on my life happenings (although I feel that barely scratches the surface and is really just the short story version), I'd like to share something that happened today.

I went into town with Sean to do some errands (but mostly to not have to be stuck inside all day long again) and decided one of my errands would be to stop by McDonald's for some coffee because then I wouldn't have to take my son out of the car. When I lived in Superior and listened to KDNW all the time, they would talk about the drive through challenge (paying the bill for the person behind you when going through the drive through). I never really go through the drive through and when I did, I would completely forget about it or always be in a hurry and chicken out. The point of it is to bless someone's day and for whatever reason I was almost running from that. A few times I've felt God's "prompting" to go through with it but just wouldn't. Today I felt I need to do it and decided I was going to follow through no matter what. I have the money to go through and get a coffee and I know that paying for someone else's tab isn't going to put me in the poorhouse. I was nervous the whole time and I honestly can't say why. Why is doing something nice for someone else so hard? I really do love making people's day by doing something nice or buying something they really wanted, so why was this any different? The lady at the window took my money for my order and then for the lady in line behind me. She asked me if I knew her and I said I really didn't think I did, I just thought it would be something nice to do on a hot day. She said how nice that was and thanked me. It really wasn't that hard at all. Maybe my kind gesture will go unnoticed by the lady behind me, or maybe it could change her day so drastically that she decided to do something nice for someone else. (or I hate to say it but maybe I changed it so drastically that she decided to live for another day) Only God knows what is in that woman's heart and what she needs and that is all I need to know. Good or bad result, I did what I felt God calling me to do and that is all that matters. Hopefully the next time I do something nice for someone else it won't make me nervous because that is what we are called to do, serve God by any means possible.